Warning: This is just a long rant. It hasn't been a fantastic day ...
After I got home from church today, I was just totally discouraged. Week after week, I get excited to go get a spiritual boost and get my tank filled up. Week after week I get discouraged. I thought after last week when my baby finally got to go to nursery, I would finally get to pay attention and feel the spirit instead of playing the entertainer, snack provider, scream eliminator, and baby carrier.
I was wrong.
I had been looking forward to the spiritual boost that I was going to get at Ward Conference today. I definitely did not get it. Apparently Lincoln was traumatized by his first week of nursery and me leaving him there all alone, that today he flat out refused to go. I walked up to the door and he started crying. I walked in, and he cried harder. I sat on the floor and he stood there leaning against me and wouldn't even look at the blocks. After 20 minutes of trying to get him to go, I finally just stood up and left. He screamed a blood curdling scream. I waited in the hall for a minute, and out came the nursery leader. She was trying to take two little girls to the bathroom. They were short handed. I ended up just taking him with me to Relief Society, but only caught the last 15 minutes or so of the lesson. Not what I wanted.
Then onto Sunday school. Lincoln was just in a bad mood I think and just wasn't happy. I fed him plenty of fruit snacks and crackers and gave in and let him play my kindle. He kept yelling at me and squirming and I caught next to nothing of the lesson. I had to leave a few minutes early to come put dinner in my oven. We came back for Sacrament meeting and Lincoln had just had it. He screamed at me when I wouldn't give him the hymn book, he screamed when I took away the sucker he refused to keep eating. He didn't want a single toy in the back, no books, no coloring, no snacks. Ethan did pretty good just playing with my kindle and eating snacks.
By the time we left, Mart had had a good boost and was telling me how it was one of the most spiritual meetings he has had in a while. I felt beyond discouraged. I left feeling like my skirt was a buffet table, covered in all sorts of food.
When we got home I found out Ethan had been a stinker in primary and I just snapped. I felt so horrible that Ethan had acted out when he should be behaving himself. That boy just won't listen lately and it's so beyond frustrating. I don't know what to do! I've never had a child before. :) I'm learning and what I'm doing is obviously not working. I was so frustrated that Lincoln finally turned 18 months and can go to nursery and I still can't go to class and learn anything. I'm getting so tired of his screaming. He's a serious sweetheart, but I just need a break.
It was just a very discouraging day and I hope tomorrow is better. I hope I don't feel the need to sell my children and ask for them back in a week. :)
2 comments:
Oh Kelsie! I feel your church pain! Cole still won't go to nursery and his is 2. One of us has to sit in there with him for at least the first hour and then try to sneak out. Most weeks I feel the EXACT same way you do and wonder how on earth I made it out of there without swearing at one of my kids! It won't make Sundays any easier, but someone told me that Heavenly Father will give me blessings because we keep going and keep trying, even if I get NOTHING out of church! I have to hold on to that little bit of hope to make it worth the hassle every week.
Love you!
Oh boy do I remember those days! Just remember that you are doing the right thing and doing the right thing isn't always the easiest. I like to listen to spiritual messages on the internet during the week too. A conference talk or a women's conference talk. Hang in there!
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