Feelings

This is my house in Richmond. (A few years old ... I really should have taken one last summer when my flower beds were overflowing with flowers and I had green grass!) This was my first house and where I have lived for the last 6 1/2 years. I brought both of my boys home to this house. It was a huge step for me to commit to buying a house in the first place, but I was so excited. I don't do good with change, it makes me super anxious. I think it was easier because it was just me and Martin. I am sure that overflowing hormones haven't made this easier, but moving has been harder on me than I anticipated. I finally after 6 1/2 years loved where I lived. I loved the people I lived near, my ward, my fenced off yard where my dogs and my kids could play, my cute old neighbor who always wanted to share his huge garden with me. Yes, my house was over 100 years old and had some downfalls, but it was my home.

We moved all the essentials to our new house a week ago. It has been an adjustment for everyone. My dogs have to be supervised when they go outside because we don't have a fence. My kids had to adjust to sharing a room and also not having a fence. It is not the house they have grown up in. Ethan seems more than fine and likes living in the "new house". Lincoln sees pictures of our house in Richmond and says "my home!" "there it is!" "let's go home!"

When I take Ethan to school in Richmond (when I have a working vehicle) I have tried to go to the house and pack up and bring home some more stuff. Last week when I walked through the door, I just had this overwhelming wave of homesickness hit me, and I just burst into tears. Lincoln just ran all over playing with toys and running up to his room and Ethan's room.

The waves of being homesick come and go. The next day I was totally fine and felt much better and was even fine the next time I went to the house. It was just so empty and felt completely unlived in. I know this house will feel like home soon enough. It might help when we hang up some of our pictures ... but today I am homesick. Today I missed my ward so much I just wanted to leave and drive to Richmond. Today I have been anxious all day worried about my house during the crazy windstorm that we had last night. Today, I think I have too many pregnancy hormones. . . or maybe not. I have been a major hermit and it is not like I was a social butterfly in Richmond ... but I still miss it. It was my home. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.